T'was the Night Before Christmas

[Ritz459]

As Christmas is fast approaching (two more days! Yeash! That snuck up on me!) I thought I'd repost some poems we had posted last year. I'll start off with the non-dog one (I laughed when I read it ) and finnish with the tear jerkers...

Politically Correct Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves,"
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard the sled noises on their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's war-like or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, its price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth!"

ROFLMHO!! I love that one!

Now comes the tear jerkers.

Rescue Dog's Christmas Poem

'Tis the night before Christmas and all through the town,
every shelter is full - we are lost but not found,
Our numbers are hung on our kennels so bare,
we hope every minute that someone will care,
They'll come to adopt us and give us the call,
"Come here, Max and Sparkie - come fetch your new ball!!
But now we sit here and think of the days..
we were treated so fondly - we had cute, baby ways,
Once we were little, then we grew and we grew -
now we're no longer young and we're no longer new.
So out the back door we were thrown like the trash,
they reacted so quickly - why were they so rash?
We "jump on the children:, "don't come when they call",
we "bark when they leave us", climb over the wall.
We should have been neutered, we should have been spayed,
now we suffer the consequence of the errors THEY made.
If only they'd trained us, if only we knew...
we'd have done what they asked us and worshiped them, too.
We were left in the backyard, or worse -let to roam-
now we're tired and lonely and out of a home.
They dropped us off here and they kissed us good-bye...
"Maybe someone else will give you a try."
So now here we are, all confused and alone...
in a shelter with others who long for a home.
The kind workers come through with a meal and a pat,
with so many to care for, they can't stay to chat,
They move to the next kennel, giving each of us cheer...
we know that they wonder how long we'll be here.
We lay down to sleep and sweet dreams fill our heads..
of a home filled with love and our own cozy beds.
Then we wake to see sad eyes, brimming with tears --
our friends filled with emptiness, worry, and fear.
If you can't adopt us and there's no room at the Inn --
could you help with the bills and fill our food bin?
We count on your kindness each day of the year --
can you give more than hope to everyone here?
Please make a donation to pay for the heat...
and help get us something special to eat.
The shelter that cares for us wants us to live,
and more of us will, if more people will give.

Copyright © 1994-2003 Golden Retrievers in Cyberspace / Goldentown™

T'was The Night Before Christmas
(Pit Bull Version)

Twas the night before Christmas and the shelter was dark,
The whole place was silent, not even a bark.
The dogs were all locked in their pens for the night,
The staff had gone home and turned out the light.

As I lay my head down on the cold concrete floor,
I fondly recalled the home I had before.
The family I loved who loved me right back,
We'd shared everything from a secret to snack.

Things couldn't be better at this time last year,
But that has all changed and now I am here.
I won't see the tree, the lights or the snow,
I'm scared and alone, my spirits are low.

The others like me weren't put up for adoption,
A new family and home, for us isn't an option.
We've been locked up in cells as if we're all crooks,
We don't deserve homes because of our looks.

Not Diesel, or Bingo or the young one named Percy,
Deserve to be loved nor shown any mercy.
While families celebrate with holiday cheer,
I know in my heart that my end is near.

The vet will arrive, the lights will go on,
By the time you awake, we all will be gone.
A stranger will come and take me away,
I'll never awake to see another day.

As I at last close my eyes I'll shed you a tear,
The fond memories, with you, I'll always keep near.
The only thing I've ever asked of dear Santa Claus,
Is to stop all these unfair and ridiculous laws.

You said without me, your life was not full,
So why does it matter that I'm a "pitbull"?.
In my dream Santa shouts when he's finished his deed,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL REGARDLESS OF BREED!

-- Author Unknown

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
With no thought of the dog filling their head.
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Knew he was cold, but didn't care about that.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Figuring the dog was free and into the trash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Santa Claus - his eyes full of tears.
He unchained the dog, once so lively and quick,
Last years Christmas present, now thin and sick.
More rapid than eagles he called the dog's name.
And the dog ran to him, despite all his pain;
"Now, DASHER! Now, DANCER! Now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! On CUPID! On, DONNER and BLITZEN!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Let's find this dog a home where he'll be loved by
all"
I knew in an instant there would be no gifts this
year,
For Santa Claus had made one thing quite clear,
The gift of a dog is not just for the season,
We had gotten the pup for all the wrong reasons.
In our haste to think of giving the kids a gift
There was one important thing that we missed.
A dog should be family, and cared for the same
You don't give a gift, then put it on a chain.
And I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight,
"You weren't given a gift! You were given a life!"
---Author Unknown---

Amen, Santa. Amen.

I wish you all a merry Christmas! Remember to give your dog an extra hug. Or better yet, give a shelter dog a hug!