Divorce - Who Gets The Pet?

[Crossfire Bulldogs]

When it came to custody of pets, this divorcing couple had to make their own laws.
By Jeanne Marie Laskas


Misha, a 13-year-old collie mix, is slowing down considerably. In fact, she's having so much trouble hearing that she responds primarily to hand signals. Jo Shoesmith, 46, of Harpers Ferry, West Virginia, and her ex-husband, Marty Stephens, 49, who lives in Clarksburg, Maryland, know it's time to rethink the terms of the joint custody arrangement. After all, is it really fair for Misha to be shuttled between two homes 40 miles apart?

Joint custody -- of a dog? But of course. For people who regard pets as family, it makes perfect sense to treat them as such if the family unit falls apart. And yet states regard animals as possessions akin to couches and TVs. A divorcing couple is supposed to divide stuff up, but Jo and Marty, like a growing number of people working out pet custody, couldn't think that way.


Both pet lovers when they met at an animal-protection conference, Jo and Marty married in 1990. Their family eventually grew to include three dogs (Misha, Shay, and Nike) and three cats (Violet, Momma Kitty, and Cotton). As the marriage started to unravel, one thing Jo and Marty realized was how much their dogs hated it when they argued. Even the slightest outburst would visibly upset their three mutts, most especially poor little Nike, who would whine and pace as if begging his "parents" to please make peace.

When the couple decided to split, in 1997, there was no question that they would find a way to share custody of their pets. "Neither of us could imagine saying goodbye to our animals forever," says Marty, who works as an administrator for the Humane Society of the United States. "We had to put aside the issues we divorced over to think about what was good for the animals," says Jo, a residency counselor at a retirement community. "Being such devoted animal people, it wasn't hard for us to focus 100 percent on them."

Friends and family thought the notion of a pet custody arrangement a bit extreme -- even their lawyers scratched their heads when they thought about how, exactly, to word such a thing. In this way, Jo and Marty were pioneers, and they knew it. "Certainly, for us the animals were more than just an appliance," says Marty. "A small part of the reason we had them written into the divorce arrangement was to demonstrate to the lawyers and the court that even though the legal system may think of these animals as property, they're practically people to us," he says.

Nowadays, animal law courses are offered at more than 40 law schools, many of which include pet custody on the syllabus. Lengthy and sometimes bitter custody battles are taking place across the country to determine who gets the pets -- with violators even doing jail time. In May 2001, Lynn Goldstein, of Louisville, Kentucky, spent 30 days in the slammer for refusing court orders to turn over cats Beanie and Kacey to her ex-husband, Tom Nichols, and then lying under oath that they had run away.

For Jo and Marty, it took some doing to get the logistics right. The cats never could abide the car ride between homes, so they've remained, by mutual agreement, at Jo's house. Jo and Marty tried meeting halfway between their homes every week to hand off the dogs, giving the three canines a week in each place. The frequency proved disruptive to all, so eventually Nike, Misha, and Shay fell into a more comfortable rhythm of two weeks with Jo, where pampering was the main event, followed by two weeks with Marty, the outdoorsman.

[Bullylover]

How did I miss this one, Sonja? Did a certain someone's situation make you think of this, or was it just a coincidence, lol?

[Crossfire Bulldogs]

Originally Posted by Bullylover

How did I miss this one, Sonja? Did a certain someone's situation make you think of this, or was it just a coincidence, lol?

Just coincidence but a good read anyway.

[YK Shepherd]

That is how I ended up with my last german shepherd before Yukon. THe couple got divorced and decided that neither one would have the dog. They were going to PTS a perfectly healthy friendly trained 3 year old gsd. I asked if I could have him and they happily handed him over. He was the reason I fell in love with the gsd breed and got Yukon when my old buddy died at 17 years old. Also reason for us adopting a rescued gsd.

[linnie]

Wayne and I always said we stayed together because of the dogs
Not true but we sure would have had a custody battle so am sure glad we still love each other lol

[Mellie]

I got my Bubba because of a failed relationship. The man was abusive to both the woman and Bubba (then named Buddy), so the woman kept Bubba after the separation. But she couldn't care for him on her own. She considered his best interests and gave him to the rescue society.
I read an article a while back about how pets involved in custody disputes are finally gaining more attention and respect by lawyers and judges. It's about time people in these positions understand the importance of a pet to the couples involved in these matters.
I sometimes peruse petfinder... just a habit... and I often see animals up for adoption due to a change in family circumstances.