Lament Of A Lady Who's Gone To The Dogs

Crossfire Bulldogs · 11-05-2004, 12:07 PM

Thought I'd share one of my favorites.

LAMENT OF A LADY WHO'S GONE
TO THE DOGS

There was a time, there really was,
When I was sweet and tender;
When SHOW DOG meant a Disney Star,
and Bitch was not a gender.

I went to bed at half past ten;
I went to Church on Sunday;
On Saturday I baked the beans
And did the wash on Monday.

But then I got a certain pup,
And an erstwhile friend said, "SHOW",
And so I did and so I do,
OH! What I didn't know.

I used to dress with flair and style,
That was the life, don't knock it.
But now each dress from bed to ball
Must have a good bait pocket.

I used to have a certain air,
I wallowed in perfume,
I used to smell of Nuit D' Amour,
Now I smell like Mr. Groom.

My furniture was haut decor,
My pets a tank of guppies.
Now I've furniture unstuffed,
And well-adjusted puppies.

Once I spoke in pristine prose,
In dulcet tones and frail,
But now I'm using language,
That would turn a sailor pale.

I was taught to be well-groomed
No matter where I went.
Now all the grooming that I do
Is in the Handler's tent.

I used to long for furs and jewels
And a figure classed as super,
Now the thing I yearn for most
Is a nice new Pooper-Scooper.

I adored a man who murmured verse
Through intimate little dinners,
But now the words I thrill to hear,
Are just three - "Best of Winners"

I rise at dawn and pack the car
The road ahead's a long one.
The one I routed on the maps
Invaribly's the wrong one.

I really love this doggy life
I wouldn't care to change it.
But when I get that BEST IN SHOW.
I plan to rearrange it;

When my time on earth is done
I'll go without much nudging
Just give me three weeks closing date
and let me know who's judging.

Pugdawg1 · 11-05-2004, 12:11 PM

Aww what a nice poem, cute, sweet, funny and touching, all rolled into one. Made me smile.

ChiChi · 11-05-2004, 08:55 PM

hahaha that is a great one!

***Carrie*** · 11-06-2004, 06:24 PM

Loved it! Thanks for sharing.

eskilady · 02-09-2005, 02:00 PM

And so very true!

Crossfire Bulldogs · 10-26-2005, 07:01 PM

Since we have a few new show people I thought I'd bring this back around. lol For those that don't show you can see just how "crazy" some of us are.

Kade · 10-26-2005, 07:12 PM

LOL! I remember very clearly the time I first said "bitch" in conversation (and meant female dog). It wasn't very long ago!

I would like to praise whoever wrote that for not being lazy with their rhythm!

***Cassiepeia*** · 10-26-2005, 10:47 PM

Love it!

Great poem.

Cass.

Schwe · 10-27-2005, 02:37 PM

haha! Fantastic!!

Ritz459 · 10-27-2005, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kade

LOL! I remember very clearly the time I first said "bitch" in conversation (and meant female dog). It wasn't very long ago!

I would like to praise whoever wrote that for not being lazy with their rhythm!

Me too! For both the rhythm and the "bitch" word! I had to check myself the other day because in school (which is a Christian school and they don't tolorate cussing...some of the Teachers don't ever tolorat shutup or crap...which I think is rediculous. We could be saying a lot worse...) when I was in a conversation with the teacher, I just about said bitch refering to a female dog. lol I didn't know if I would get into trouble for that. Knowing the teacher, probably not, but still.

But ya, that was a good poem and it just reminded me how crazy I want to become and already halfway am! lol

11-05-2004, 12:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
Crossfire Bulldogs Sourmug Mom Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Snuggled Between The Snorts & Snores. Posts: 7,844 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 284	Lament Of A Lady Who's Gone To The Dogs Thought I'd share one of my favorites. LAMENT OF A LADY WHO'S GONE TO THE DOGS There was a time, there really was, When I was sweet and tender; When SHOW DOG meant a Disney Star, and Bitch was not a gender. I went to bed at half past ten; I went to Church on Sunday; On Saturday I baked the beans And did the wash on Monday. But then I got a certain pup, And an erstwhile friend said, "SHOW", And so I did and so I do, OH! What I didn't know. I used to dress with flair and style, That was the life, don't knock it. But now each dress from bed to ball Must have a good bait pocket. I used to have a certain air, I wallowed in perfume, I used to smell of Nuit D' Amour, Now I smell like Mr. Groom. My furniture was haut decor, My pets a tank of guppies. Now I've furniture unstuffed, And well-adjusted puppies. Once I spoke in pristine prose, In dulcet tones and frail, But now I'm using language, That would turn a sailor pale. I was taught to be well-groomed No matter where I went. Now all the grooming that I do Is in the Handler's tent. I used to long for furs and jewels And a figure classed as super, Now the thing I yearn for most Is a nice new Pooper-Scooper. I adored a man who murmured verse Through intimate little dinners, But now the words I thrill to hear, Are just three - "Best of Winners" I rise at dawn and pack the car The road ahead's a long one. The one I routed on the maps Invaribly's the wrong one. I really love this doggy life I wouldn't care to change it. But when I get that BEST IN SHOW. I plan to rearrange it; When my time on earth is done I'll go without much nudging Just give me three weeks closing date and let me know who's judging.
	__________________ Get more out of Global Paw. Check out these great features. Global Paw Book Club -- Art Classes -- Woof Review I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief. ~ Gerry Spence As a member of Global paw staff my opinions are not necessarily those of the website or the owner.

11-05-2004, 12:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
Pugdawg1 Pug Mom Join Date: May 2004 Location: Elko, Nevada Posts: 2,418 Rep Power: 135	Aww what a nice poem, cute, sweet, funny and touching, all rolled into one. Made me smile.
	__________________ www.PugSavers.com

11-05-2004, 08:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
ChiChi Sheltie Addict Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: North Carolina YEEHAW! Posts: 1,439 Rep Power: 107	hahaha that is a great one!
	__________________ Owned by Brody the sheltie "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." --Ben Williams

02-09-2005, 02:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
eskilady American Eskimo Dog lover Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: upstate NY Posts: 161 Rep Power: 73	And so very true!
	__________________ Eskilady Mom to Maizie (9), Milo (6), Molly (5) and baby Mona plus bridgekids Motli, Margie and Misha http://www.geocities.com/fingerlakeclub/Miracle.html

10-26-2005, 07:01 PM	#6 (permalink)
Crossfire Bulldogs Sourmug Mom Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Snuggled Between The Snorts & Snores. Posts: 7,844 Blog Entries: 3 Rep Power: 284	Since we have a few new show people I thought I'd bring this back around. lol For those that don't show you can see just how "crazy" some of us are.
	__________________ Get more out of Global Paw. Check out these great features. Global Paw Book Club -- Art Classes -- Woof Review I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief. ~ Gerry Spence As a member of Global paw staff my opinions are not necessarily those of the website or the owner.

11-06-2004, 06:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
*Carrie* Super Moderator Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: north panhandle of Idaho Posts: 7,415 Rep Power: 285	Loved it! Thanks for sharing.

10-26-2005, 07:12 PM	#7 (permalink)
Kade 9 months old?! Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 903 Rep Power: 89	LOL! I remember very clearly the time I first said "bitch" in conversation (and meant female dog). It wasn't very long ago! I would like to praise whoever wrote that for not being lazy with their rhythm!
	__________________ "You come home, the dog throws itself at you. 'Where have you been? You've been so long. I missed you, missed you, missed you. I love you, love you, love you. What's in the bag? Something for me? Oh, let me lick your ear. Oh, let me chew your gloves. You're home!''' -- Pam Brown All About Winston

10-26-2005, 10:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
*Cassiepeia* Chihuahua Mum Super Moderator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: NSW, Australia Posts: 8,281 Blog Entries: 9 Rep Power: 284	Love it! Great poem. Cass.
	__________________ Say NO! to animals in pet shops. Rescue a friend instead: Petfinder Get more out of Global Paw. Check out these great features. Book Club ~ Blogs ~ Art Classes ~ Woof Review As a member of Global paw staff my opinions are not necessarily those of the website or the owner.

10-27-2005, 02:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
Schwe American Bulldog Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Schenectady, NY Posts: 427 Rep Power: 75	haha! Fantastic!!
	__________________ "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." -Author Unknown

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