Wdyt?

Kymcole25 · 01-12-2006, 06:03 PM

As an assignment for my english class. I had to write a resume, and cover letter that I would use if I were looking for a job. Here is a copy of my cover letter....any opinions on what i could change?

Dear Ms. *****:

I am writing in response to your March 5, 2002 notice in The Washington Post. I feel as though my studies at Northern High School qualify me for the position of daycare assistant at your daycare facility.

My education at Northern High School is providing me with a strong background in working with children. I am currently enrolled in Child Development 1 and enjoy working with the children very much. Also, I consider myself a people person, and can easily talk with anyone.

The enclosed resume provides an overview of my education and experience. I am very confident that I would be a dependable and hard working assistant. Please call me after 3:00 at (301) ***-**** or write to me at the above address. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Sincerely,

Kimberley N. R*******

Tiffany0204 · 01-12-2006, 06:25 PM

I would list specific duties that you have done. Like uh... what proves that you have a strong background with children? Any examples that you can come up with that you have worked with them?

Even better, list stuff that you've done to help children, or if you have any CPR training.

JMO

Kymcole25 · 01-12-2006, 06:34 PM

Thanks!

All of that stuff is listed in my resume, so I didn't think I would repeat it here...I it does make a lot of sense!

oc_spirit · 01-12-2006, 06:41 PM

Here's a cover letter I wrote for a position to do a banquet thingy for drama. It's gotta be somewhat decent, I got the part LOL Maybe it could help you somewhat...I dunno LOL

To Whom It May Concern,

DJ Carroll (my drama teacher, director, and employer for being a teacher’s assistant) has informed me that you are in search of qualified people to dress-up and welcome guests to a Christmas banquet.

This opportunity has greatly interested me since I highly enjoy drama of any sort and love to take part in it. Throughout my school years (mostly during high school) I have been involved in various plays, promotions, shows, festivals, and workshops. I try my best to become involved in as many drama-related activities as possible in order to fulfill my love of the performing arts!

In the following resume, further detail is given as to what exactly I have participated in throughout my years of drama. If further information is required about anything please feel free to contact me as I am more than willing to give the specifics needed.

I’m looking forward to the possibility of working with you in the near future! If you ever need any help with other banquets or anything of the sort please don’t hesitate to contact me as I’d be more than willing to help in any way possible. Thank-you for taking the time to consider me for this enriching experience!

Sincerely Yours,

Renata M S

If you're curious I can post the resumé too

Tiffany0204 · 01-12-2006, 07:00 PM

From what my sister in law tells me, (she's in charge of hiring) is that most companies look at cover letters first. It's your best chance to grab someone's attention and make them say "Wow... let's see that resume". She said to summarize your resume on teh cover letter.

Let's say your resume says "2002-2003 Camp Counsellor" you could touch upon it in your cover letter.

"While working as a Camp Counsellor I was able to put my excellent organizational skills and leadership qualities to the test." or something like that. That's just me though, definitly get other input as well!

kazkirkpatrick · 01-12-2006, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Dear Ms. *****:

I am writing in response to your March 5, 2002 notice in The Washington Post. I feel as thoughTry something more convincing, this is like you are offering the idea you may be qualified. my studies at Northern High School qualify me for the position of daycare assistant at your daycare facility.

My education at Northern High School is providing me with a strong background in working with children. I am currently enrolled in Child Development 1 and enjoy working with the children very mucha little repetitive sounding, go with something such as "I thoroughly enjoying interacting with children" . Also, I consider myself a people person, and can easily talk with anyone. Good, but maybe more along this lines of "I have great interpersonal skills ..."etc

The enclosed resume provides an overview of my education and experience. I am very confident PERFECT! Take control! that I would be a dependable and hard working assistant. Please call me after 3:00 at (301) ***-**** or write to me at the above address...so we can discuss the position/my skills/the enourmous paycheck you will be giving me . I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Sincerely,

Kimberley N. R*******

Overall, a good letter! Good job

kazkirkpatrick · 01-12-2006, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiffany0204

I would list specific duties that you have done. Like uh... what proves that you have a strong background with children? Any examples that you can come up with that you have worked with them?

Even better, list stuff that you've done to help children, or if you have any CPR training.

JMO

I believe the list of specific duties/training she has had goes on the actual resume, this is just a cover letter

Mellie · 01-12-2006, 08:47 PM

I assume that since you are a high school student, you do not have a very extensive resume. It would probably be best for you to use a functional resume that highlights skills you have rather than a chronological resume.
Further, use the cover letter to your advantage. Sure, the resume is designed to expand on your previous work experiences, training, and skills. But your resume might never be read if your cover letter does not appeal to the employer. So do not hesitate to use things from your resume in your cover letter. Just keep in mind that your resume will be brief and to the point, with bulleted skill sets (for example). Use what you've mentioned in your resume in a different way in your cover letter. For instance... rather than this sentence -- I consider myself a people person, and can easily talk with anyone -- you could take something from your resume to make it sound more professional and exciting. Say you've worked as a counter person at McDonald's.... Sounds simple and unrelated... but, there's a job where you interact with a wide range of personalities on a daily basis. So in your cover letter, you could say... As a customer service representative at McDonald's, the major element of my work was dealing with a large customer base. On a normal day, I could expect to interact with hundreds of customers. In all interactions, I strived to deal with each person in a courteous, respectful, professional manner. Even at your young age and limited work experience, you have useful skills that could translate into the real working world. You just have to get the prospective employer to see this by expressing it in your cover letter.
The letter is your chance to be dynamic and show your personality... something you can't do in a resume. But still maintain a level of formality.
And at the end, I think it might be better to say you will contact them (in a week or so). Take initiative. Still leave your contact information should they have questions or need info in the meantime.
Oh... and one last thing. Proof read! Do not have even one grammar, usage, spelling, whatever error. This can cause your resume and cover letter to go right into the trash bin.
So far, you're off to a good start.
Have fun!

Tiffany0204 · 01-12-2006, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kazkirkpatrick

I believe the list of specific duties/training she has had goes on the actual resume, this is just a cover letter

Well of course it's all personal opinion, and you don't go into specific job duties, like how you do in a resume, but you mention them and how having them makes you a great person for the job. Like you can have the standard "I'd be great... etc etc etc" but in the cover letter you're selling yourself. You want them to know why you're so great. Most cover letters just say "hello, my name is so and so, and I'm a great person, please consider me" and leave it at that. From what my sister in law told me, her firm and others end up taking notice of the ones that kinda "tease" you with what's inside.

She said that a generic cover letter normally gets passed over and they don't even bother looking at the resume! This worked for my brother when he was applying for jobs at law firms, and my sister in law (who hires people) says the same thing.

I'm not saying any other way is wrong, just passing along what they think the sucessful way is!

01-12-2006, 06:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Kymcole25 AKK lover Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Dunkirk, MD Posts: 1,139 Rep Power: 90	Wdyt? As an assignment for my english class. I had to write a resume, and cover letter that I would use if I were looking for a job. Here is a copy of my cover letter....any opinions on what i could change? Dear Ms. ***: I am writing in response to your March 5, 2002 notice in The Washington Post. I feel as though my studies at Northern High School qualify me for the position of daycare assistant at your daycare facility. My education at Northern High School is providing me with a strong background in working with children. I am currently enrolled in Child Development 1 and enjoy working with the children very much. Also, I consider myself a people person, and can easily talk with anyone. The enclosed resume provides an overview of my education and experience. I am very confident that I would be a dependable and hard working assistant. Please call me after 3:00 at (301) -* or write to me at the above address. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future. Sincerely, Kimberley N. R*****
	__________________

01-12-2006, 06:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
Tiffany0204 >->->->-<-<-<-< Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Barrie, ON - Canada! Posts: 859 Rep Power: 85	I would list specific duties that you have done. Like uh... what proves that you have a strong background with children? Any examples that you can come up with that you have worked with them? Even better, list stuff that you've done to help children, or if you have any CPR training. JMO
	__________________ Follow along as I search for my Birth Mother! My Adoption Blog

01-12-2006, 06:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
Kymcole25 AKK lover Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Dunkirk, MD Posts: 1,139 Rep Power: 90	Thanks! All of that stuff is listed in my resume, so I didn't think I would repeat it here...I it does make a lot of sense!
	__________________

01-12-2006, 06:41 PM	#4 (permalink)
oc_spirit Snow Girl Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 2,612 Rep Power: 140	Here's a cover letter I wrote for a position to do a banquet thingy for drama. It's gotta be somewhat decent, I got the part LOL Maybe it could help you somewhat...I dunno LOL To Whom It May Concern, DJ Carroll (my drama teacher, director, and employer for being a teacher’s assistant) has informed me that you are in search of qualified people to dress-up and welcome guests to a Christmas banquet. This opportunity has greatly interested me since I highly enjoy drama of any sort and love to take part in it. Throughout my school years (mostly during high school) I have been involved in various plays, promotions, shows, festivals, and workshops. I try my best to become involved in as many drama-related activities as possible in order to fulfill my love of the performing arts! In the following resume, further detail is given as to what exactly I have participated in throughout my years of drama. If further information is required about anything please feel free to contact me as I am more than willing to give the specifics needed. I’m looking forward to the possibility of working with you in the near future! If you ever need any help with other banquets or anything of the sort please don’t hesitate to contact me as I’d be more than willing to help in any way possible. Thank-you for taking the time to consider me for this enriching experience! Sincerely Yours, Renata M S If you're curious I can post the resumé too
	__________________ My dogs WORK, what do yours do? Even the quietest whisper can be heard over the loudest gunshot. When? When it speaks the truth! I shall stand by your side and fight! Together we shall prevail through all life's adversities!

01-12-2006, 07:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
Tiffany0204 >->->->-<-<-<-< Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Barrie, ON - Canada! Posts: 859 Rep Power: 85	From what my sister in law tells me, (she's in charge of hiring) is that most companies look at cover letters first. It's your best chance to grab someone's attention and make them say "Wow... let's see that resume". She said to summarize your resume on teh cover letter. Let's say your resume says "2002-2003 Camp Counsellor" you could touch upon it in your cover letter. "While working as a Camp Counsellor I was able to put my excellent organizational skills and leadership qualities to the test." or something like that. That's just me though, definitly get other input as well!
	__________________ Follow along as I search for my Birth Mother! My Adoption Blog

01-12-2006, 08:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
Mellie Springer/Saint Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Vermont Posts: 449 Rep Power: 93	I assume that since you are a high school student, you do not have a very extensive resume. It would probably be best for you to use a functional resume that highlights skills you have rather than a chronological resume. Further, use the cover letter to your advantage. Sure, the resume is designed to expand on your previous work experiences, training, and skills. But your resume might never be read if your cover letter does not appeal to the employer. So do not hesitate to use things from your resume in your cover letter. Just keep in mind that your resume will be brief and to the point, with bulleted skill sets (for example). Use what you've mentioned in your resume in a different way in your cover letter. For instance... rather than this sentence -- I consider myself a people person, and can easily talk with anyone -- you could take something from your resume to make it sound more professional and exciting. Say you've worked as a counter person at McDonald's.... Sounds simple and unrelated... but, there's a job where you interact with a wide range of personalities on a daily basis. So in your cover letter, you could say... As a customer service representative at McDonald's, the major element of my work was dealing with a large customer base. On a normal day, I could expect to interact with hundreds of customers. In all interactions, I strived to deal with each person in a courteous, respectful, professional manner. Even at your young age and limited work experience, you have useful skills that could translate into the real working world. You just have to get the prospective employer to see this by expressing it in your cover letter. The letter is your chance to be dynamic and show your personality... something you can't do in a resume. But still maintain a level of formality. And at the end, I think it might be better to say you will contact them (in a week or so). Take initiative. Still leave your contact information should they have questions or need info in the meantime. Oh... and one last thing. Proof read! Do not have even one grammar, usage, spelling, whatever error. This can cause your resume and cover letter to go right into the trash bin. So far, you're off to a good start. Have fun!
	__________________ "One dog barks at something, the rest bark at him." -- Chinese Proverb Last edited by Mellie : 01-12-2006 at 08:51 PM.

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