Tech support....a must read for all.

[Carrie]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into
all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. I can't seem
to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite
applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing
7.5, and Racing 3.6. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible
to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to
uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook
1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the
only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional
software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

[Tiffany0204]

that was priceless!

[uncle_fred]

Good one have you tried format C: /s thay might work

[Shadowkins]

LOL, Carrie, where on earth did you find it? I'm going to print it and give it to my husband...he's sure to get a bang out of that.

[Carrie]

LOL. My daughter must have gotten it sent to her in work and she emailed it to me. It is a riot, isn't it. LOL.

[DoozyDog]

That's funny.

[Raised By Wolves]

LOL!!! Be kind to your software!

Thanks Carrie! I needed a laugh!

[Mom2Many]

Too funny! Thanks for the giggles Carrie!

[FarCritter10]

That was great Carrie. Here's another one:
INSTALLING LOVE

Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own! called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components " What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone ! and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

Please send this to every one you know. If you delete that is okay, God's love is not based on emails.

[FarCritter10]

Thought this was cute too:

The computer swallowed Grandma

Yes, honestly, it’s true

She pressed “Control;” and “enter”

And disappeared from view.


It devoured her completely

The thought just made me squirm.

She must have caught a virus

Or been eaten by a worm!


I’ve searched through the recycle bin

And files of every kind;

I’ve even used the Internet

But nothing did I find.


In desperation, I asked Jeeves

My searches to refine.

The reply from him was negative,

Not a thing was found ‘online’.


So, if inside your ‘Inbox’

My Grandma you should see,

Please ‘Copy’, ‘Scan’, and ‘Paste’ her

And send her back to me!

[Carrie]

A-w-w-w-w-w.....I love those!!!!! Thanks so much for sharing!