How do I handle ignorant co-workers??

[britishbandit]

Ok, so I've worked at my place now for 3 years. I've never really been "healthy", and have taken my share of time off. But I've been pressing on my health issues since before I even started there. With all kinds of specialists, procedures and such, and even though the doctors had found some things, the root of the problems had never been found. I got a lot of harsh, rude, and very inappropriate comments directed at me about my time off. From co-workers thinking, "Oh, she ain't old enough to be sick", or "She complains that she's struggling money wise but is never at work"...and ALL KINDS of other things, some not quite as "nice". Always "behind my back", but make a point so I can hear them. It got to the point where I would go in after a day off and I could just feel those eyes burning through me.
Anyway, I just went for surgery, and found out I have severe endometriosis. And that I'll need a hysterectomy before the age of 30. The docs worked on everything they could see that was affected by the endo, hoping to give me a few more years before being faced with needing a hysterectomy. Upsetting in a way, but I'm glad I'm getting some answers.
Well, I went in on Monday to hand in my forms for work, as I'll need a week or 2 to recovery from the surgery. It just happened that the people on my regular shift were all there, and it was shift-change. So I passed about 40 of my co-workers on the way to the union office, and not one person even looked my way (until I was past them and felt those burning eyes again). Not so much as a hello, or how are you.....NOTHING (and they KNEW I had went for surgery). One woman on my shift on my way back out managed a "hey", which was a shocker, but I was thankful for actually being acknowledged as existing (even though because of the medication I'm on, I kinda felt non-existant...haha).
In a way I just want everyone to know all the crap i've had to go through these past few years, but at the same time, how is this any of their business, and how is this affecting them? Why treat someone like a piece of crap when it has no effect on you or your work? I really don't even want to go back. I'm dreading going in and being bombarded with "guilt" for being sick.
I work my butt of when I'm there, and have struggled through some very hard days because I've been in pain or felt really bad. I'm a very hard worker, and it isn't from wanting to sit at home on my butt all day that is the reason for being off. I'm only ever off when I really need to be. Heck, I've worked my way to having my own home, car, my pets.....everything I have, I have worked for myself (and I'm only 25). This really hurts to have all my co-workers "dump on me". How the heck do you even handle so many ignorant people?

[Jamila]

Thats a tough one. I think they are just stupid and are going to always be that way. I wouldnt let it get to you too much cause after all the are just co-workers. Friends, Family and Pets are the ones to comfort you. Let there eyes burn. Be proud of how strong you are for going through all this at your age.

[richnrissa]

Your best bet is to not let it bother you.
You show your character by doing your job to the best of your abilities while your there.
It happens all the time. i had a family member die recently and even though I had no paid time off availalbe and my company has no grievance policy I was given time off and offered several days by my supervisor.
A co worker who started same time I did had the same thing and was told she could only have half a day and had to make up the hours and also had to show in writing proof she went to a funeral.

the difference?
She missed a LOT of time in training, was consistently late, etc,

but she was sure ticked off and wouldnt quit bitching about how unfair it was and how I should get in trouble, etc.

people only see what they want, and usually one person w/ a mouth can bring down a whole group......so as long as your straight w/ your managers and doing your job....let them be petty.

PS i'm sorry to hear about the diagnosis and hope the best for your health!

[GSD]

Its pretty petty when people use another's misfortune's to try and make themselves feel better about their own lives. Kind of shows you pathetic a lot of people can be.

hang in there, keep your eyes open for a opportunity to change and let them deal with their own insecurities and shortcomings. I'd try and get along while I was there, work hard and try and help others. If they don't appreciate it, at least you did what it takes. Some people can realize they're being an *** when you work hard and do the right thing. SOme people sadly never will.

[mrsgrubby]

hang in there!!! I know how that goes. My hubby gets migraine headaches very regularly. He has lost several jobs because of his headaches. He is currently on FLMA (the Federal Family Leave Medical Act). But almost lost his job anyway because he was missing so much time for treatments and being sick.

His co-workers have been just terrible too. Saying mean stuff, complaining that he isn't there. Then when the cronic pain finally made him go on anti-depresents, they made rude comments about the fact that "he has nothing to be depressed about, try living in the real world."

It has been very hard on him and me. So we sure know where you are coming from.

Just stay positive, look at the bright side, you have managed to keep your job, you have purchased a home, a car, have wonderful parents who obviously love and support you, and have some georgous rottweilers, one who is a show prospect.

Work is just work, you don't have to like them and they dont' have to like you, you have plenty of friends outside of work who love you, including all of us on GP!!!

Hope you are feeling better soon!

[britishbandit]

Thanks everyone. It just gets really hard sometimes, and although I remain "tough" at work, this sometimes makes me "break down" when I get home.

Originally Posted by mrsgrubby

have wonderful parents who obviously love and support you

I have no doubt in my mind that my parents love me, but they have never really been there for support. My mother did take me in for the surgery, but since then, well I won't go there, but hasn't been great. We've had a couple of arguements over her forms of "support". My dad, he hasn't even bothered to pick up the phone to call me to see how I'm doing. Maybe he just assumes that my mum is handling it and that there is no need. Well, in my eyes, there is.
So, probably everything on top of everything else is just making me super sensetive, I don't know. I just hope all of this doesn't drop a "depression bomb" on me, I couldn't handle anymore on my plate right now. I'm so glad to have you guys to talk to, venting really helps...

[mrsgrubby]

well hang in there. it will all work out!!!! You are just going through alot right now, and of course you aren't feeling well, and are worried about your health and your future, and I know you were hoping to eventually have kids.

That is alot for you to deal with all at once!!! Plus I am sure the "female" problems affect your hormones as well, which probably doesn't help!!!

I wish there was more we could do, but just know that we care about you and are hoping for the best! Keep your head high!!!

[poodlesmom]

My best advice is to try to ignore their ignorance to the best of your ability. It sounds as though your boss thoroughly understands and that is the only person who you have to answer to at work. Unfortunately many times people are so petty and have so little of interest in their own lives that they have to target someone as the topic of conversation in a sad attempt to make themselves feel better or seem important. Hold your head high and realize that these people really hold no importance in your life. You have probably accomplished so much more at your young age than most of them did at the same age or even older. Hugs to you!

[eagle12167]

well i must be feeling kinda froggy today, so here goes.
first get a spray bottle with water and vinager and nail them in the nose like they were dogs.
if that dosn't work get some "ladies fingers firecrackers" and chuck them at those co-workers.
if that dosn't work rent a back hoe and go dig up thier gardens.
sorry couldn't resist any longer.
don't worry about them they are just little fish in a big pond and they have nothing better in thier boring little lives other then to pick on you.
i had a problem with the secretaries at a place i worked in cal., they said that i always smelled like oil. funny, i was the mechanic.

[WolfRyder]

Coworkers can be great people, or ogres in disguise (no insult to Shrek intended)

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 1 1/2 years ago and had suffered from it for years. Every time I would get into the doctor's office, the "flare" would be gone and there would be no symptoms or lasting effects. Very frustrating, beginning back when I was 17 and was told I had "migratory arthritis" (nope, that's not a real illness, but it was the best the doctor could come up with at the time).

So I know where you're coming from and how frustrated you feel. Just hang in there. As long as your boss knows what's going on, you're okay. If you have a company counselor, I suggest you go see him/her and talk some things through. Having such a severe problem is very upsetting and sometimes (well, for me at least) it helps get things into perspective. And they usually can help you cope with your coworkers too. Just a thought.

If you're in the US, you can go through the United Way and go to their Family Health Center (Family and Child Services) and pay either nothing or minimal feels (like $5) they go on a sliding scale.

[sammy]

They sound like a bunck of ********* Any chance a job change is in your future? If not **** 'em. Don't let them see you sweat it. You have great friends at family. People who can't be decent aren't worth worrying about.

[Dogsareme]

I am sorry your going through that. Some co-workers are such pains in the butts. Some just complain about anything and everything. And if the bosses are letting you get this time off and know what is going on, it's really not there place to say or judge. People can be so ingnorant sometimes.

[linnie]

I am so sorry that these people have hurt your feelings.
You know they really arnt worth worrying about.
What really grieves me is that your parents arnt being supportive of you in this time. I am so glad you have all of us here at gp
I was diagnosed with an illness at 16 and my mother has only just come to terms with it 36 years later lol
Be brave and be strong i know you have it in you to conquer the world.

[fancychicken]

As someone who has not been terribly heathy my whole life, I can certainly understand. I have concluded that if people can't "see" the injury or illness ie: broken arm, runny nose and coughing, they don't believe you. Peple can be major jerks and I as well haev been the object of comments and burning eyes. I suffer from SEVERE migrains, including vision loss in one eye, slurring, vomiting the whole gammut, along with the fact that I have 2 slipped discs, bone spurs and arthritis in my neck (all very painful) . the only thing you can do is be the VERY best, do the very best you can, and ignore them and their ignorance. I hope you are feeliing better. You have our support here don't ever forget that.

[britishbandit]

What gets me are the people who say "It's not fair.....we all have to show up for work everyday!". Yeah, lets talk about "Not FAIR". How many of these people are faced with the sad truth at 25 that they are going to need a hysterectomy? How many suffer constant pain, fatigue, and bleeding every 6 out of 8 weeks? I'm not saying that other people don't have health issues, but come on, even the same disease can affect 2 people differently. I just wish they could show a little more compassion.
Not only am I face with the hysterectomy within the next few years, but even being given the slim opportunity to have children, do I really want to now? I'd be terrified to have a little girl now. My mother was diagnosed with severe endo at 35, me at 25. So if it follows the pattern (as it is genetic), my daughter has the chance of having this happen when she is a teenager. Is this really a chance I want to take, to have my own daughter go through what me and my mother had to go through?
There truly are a million thoughts whizzing through my mind every minute of every day (which is also causing me to suffer insomnia). Like I really need the extra hassle of these moron co-workers I have.
I've done my best to ignore, and "shrug" it off. But I honestly don't know how long I can keep it up. I've been close on a few occasions to just losing it, and laying into them. It wouldn't be so bad, but there is a work-force of about 300 at my place (100/shift). I think I may switch shifts at bumping season in September. I think I need to get away from the people I've been working with every day for 3 years. Maybe getting onto a shift that hasn't been "corrupted" against me will help.