Understanding Genesis

***Carrie*** · 07-21-2006, 02:35 PM

Understanding Genesis

I n the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the
Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy
lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and
Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And
Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size
14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more
weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake,"
and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it
"Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoe s so that His children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man
would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed
and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite. An d Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied,
"Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went
into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

richnrissa · 07-21-2006, 03:24 PM

Rofl!

D.Schäferhund · 07-21-2006, 03:58 PM

Mwu

ahahahaha

princessjodi · 07-21-2006, 04:44 PM

ROFLMAO!!!

Too funny...and sadly, too true!

linnie · 07-21-2006, 06:08 PM

roflmao sooo true too

bigdoglover · 07-21-2006, 06:24 PM

too true!!

Raised By Wolves · 07-21-2006, 06:29 PM

ROFL!! Methinks someone is on a diet...

TribalRats · 07-21-2006, 08:04 PM

lol!!!

Barrett · 07-22-2006, 12:27 AM

LOL!! That is hilarious!!!!! There is no way Carrie can be on a diet... if she is I'll kick her scrawny little butt. Who created skinny little people like Carrie that can eat Satan's Devil's food and stay a size 4 !?!?

Edit to add:

and why was I passed up during that creation?!?!? LOL!!!!

mulroony · 07-24-2006, 07:59 AM

07-21-2006, 02:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
*Carrie* Super Moderator Super Moderator Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: north panhandle of Idaho Posts: 7,398 Rep Power: 278	Understanding Genesis Understanding Genesis I n the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food." God then brought forth running shoe s so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds. God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. An d Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.
	__________________ Get more out of Global Paw. Check out these great features. Global Paw Book Club -- Art Classes -- Woof Review As a member of Global paw staff my opinions are not necessarily those of the website or the owner.

07-21-2006, 03:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
richnrissa Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: WA Posts: 862 Rep Power: 80	Rofl!
	__________________ If you cannot be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning- Catherine Aird

07-21-2006, 04:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
princessjodi Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 251 Rep Power: 66	ROFLMAO!!! Too funny...and sadly, too true!
	__________________ Jodi & Joules

07-21-2006, 06:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
linnie tibbie girl Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Australia Posts: 3,051 Rep Power: 168	roflmao sooo true too
	__________________ Caution...Dogs can leave footprints on your heart

07-21-2006, 06:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
bigdoglover Giant Schnauzers Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: West-Central Illinois Posts: 3,624 Rep Power: 173	too true!!
	__________________ Glory and Greed will destroy the breed.

07-21-2006, 03:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
D.Schäferhund let's work Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 1,765 Rep Power: 108	Mwu ahahahaha

07-21-2006, 06:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
Raised By Wolves Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 1,523 Rep Power: 123	ROFL!! Methinks someone is on a diet...
	__________________ "There's a fine line between fishing, and just standing on the bank, looking confused."

07-21-2006, 08:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
TribalRats Take Responsibility Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central Valley, CA Posts: 3,327 Rep Power: 141	lol!!!
	__________________ Get more out of Global Paw. Check out these great features. Global Paw Book Club -- Art Classes -- Woof Review As a member of Global paw staff my opinions are not necessarily those of the website or the owner.

07-22-2006, 12:27 AM	#9 (permalink)
Barrett dachshund Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Washington Posts: 2,758 Rep Power: 152	LOL!! That is hilarious!!!!! There is no way Carrie can be on a diet... if she is I'll kick her scrawny little butt. Who created skinny little people like Carrie that can eat Satan's Devil's food and stay a size 4 !?!? Edit to add: and why was I passed up during that creation?!?!? LOL!!!!

07-24-2006, 07:59 AM	#10 (permalink)
mulroony Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Champaign, IL Posts: 2,100 Rep Power: 115
	__________________ Shelby (CGC), Jackson, Max, & Mackenzie (CGC) - My pups :) Pit Bull "Problem" Movie (Graphic)

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Understanding DIARRHEA	feinwerkbau	Dog Health Concerns	6	01-15-2006 02:08 PM