How to medicate Cats and Dogs

[IceyBlueSibes]

HOW TO MEDICATE CATS AND DOGS

How to give a cat a pill:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
baby. Position right hand thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently
apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in hand. As cat opens mouth,
pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in right
arm (to avoid wound on left arm) and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in best arm, holding rear paws
tightly with hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on the floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front, and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly
with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth, drop pill; put down
ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth
open with pencil and blow through straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink one beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from
carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer. Place cat on cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave lead
showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch a bottle of scotch, pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress
to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to
cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch
new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the ......ing cat from tree across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

13) Tie the little .........'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and
bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from
shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency
room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill
remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new
table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect the "cat from hell" and call local pet shop
to see if they have any guinea pigs available.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL -

1) Wrap it in bacon. Drop on the floor.

Saw it on the other forum I visit and just had to post it!

[Carrie]

ROFLMAO!!!!!!! :shiver:

That is soooooo hilarious! Thanks for sharing. It really cheered up my meloncholy times I'm having because of my Bonnie.

That is a very visual story. Too much!

[Carrie]

Bumping this thread up. It's too funny for you guys to miss! I love it when someone finds something to make me laugh, don't you? ha ha ha ha ha

[sheltiepups]

lol that's funny! thanks for posting it!!

[DarknessDivine]

LMAO! That is soooooooooooo ture...

[IceyBlueSibes]

No problem! I started reading the first part, and thought it was serious, but then when it started goin down I couldn't help but laugh! :lol: