This is funny! LOL

[Ritz459]

Ok, so you know all people make mistakes...here are some from some Church bullitens!

They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type them. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. [ LOL]

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. [ROFL!!! ]

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. [LOL!!]

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. [ROFLMHO!]

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. [.....scary....LOL]

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours" [LOL Kinda catchy though! ]

Anyway, my mom got those in an email, and I thought I'd share! lol

[PawNclaws]

To funny, I'm glad I wasn't drinking any thing lol.

[D.Schäferhund]

these are just awsome!!!
had to call my husband to read them , too...
well actually my laughs called him!!!!

[k9hullio_sam]

LOL! I loved it! I printed them off!!

[rmci]

LOL! Thanks for sharing. Those are great!

[Carrie]

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. [ROFLMHO!]

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

ROFLOL!!! I'm pretty certain those come from the book, Anguished English by Richard Lederer. You and your Mom would be rolling in tears laughing if you get the book and read all of it. I have that and the sequel, More Anguished English. The whole thing is hilarious!


Here are some more jollies from that book:

Two Headed Headlines:

House passes gas
tax onto senate

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Deaf Mute gets new hearing in killing

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

Flaming toilet seat causes evacuation at high school

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

Man held over giant L.A. brush fire

Traffic dead rise slowly

Milk drinkers are turning to powder

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

S. Florida illegal aliens cut in half by new law

Drunk gets nine months in violin case

survivor of Siamese twins joins parents

Thugs eat then rob proprietor

New housing for elderly not yet dead

Genetic engineering splits scientists

Iraqui head seeks arms

Idaho group organizes to help service widows.

Town to drop school bus when overpass is ready.

[Sayuri]

LOL those are great!

[anaconda]

ROFL!!!! Those are great! I love this sort of stuff. I found two sites yesterday, on ridiculous laws and stupid signs.

Here are few:


• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. (Alabama)
• It is considered an offence to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. (Alaska)
• Mohave County: A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up. (Arizona)
• Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash." (California)
• It is considered an offence to shower naked. (Florida)
• It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down. (Georgia)
• It's illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again. (Hawaii)
• Park Ridge: Trucks may only park inside closed garages. (Illinois)
• If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (Kansas)
• Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. (Louisana)
• You may not step out of a plane in flight. (Maine)
• A Minnesota tax form is quite thorough. Some would say too thorough. It even asks for your date of death.
• Lehigh: Doughnut holes may not be sold (Nebraska
• The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (New York)
• In Nags Head you can be fined for singing out of tune for more than ninety seconds. (North Carolina)
• It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. (North Dakota)
• Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes. (Pennsylvania) Lol!!!!

[Carrie]

In Nags Head you can be fined for singing out of tune for more than ninety seconds. (North Carolina)

If I had my way, that would be punishable by hanging in every state. LOL.

If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed. (Kansas)

ROFLOL! Those are all hilarious.

[Mufasas Mommy]

I've got a joke for you, it's not a saying, but it's very funny...

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.

Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lollypops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.

The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford(or Chevy or Dodge or Honda etc), YOU ride in it!!!"



It seems like a sick joke, but it's not. I like it! I'm a Ford lover myself, yet I drive a Dodge...go figure!

[Ritz459]

• It is considered an offence to shower naked. (Florida)

• The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (New York)

LOL

And the joke is funny. I think that um, twist, is what makes it so funny! I could just see a sassy little girl doing that to her dad though.