Would you be upset by this, ladies?

Bogolove · 09-08-2005, 03:08 PM

My friend e-mailed me this and asked if it would make me upset. I have changed the names as to not offend the parties who probably won't be on here anyway, but you never know...Here is the exact e-mail (except for name erasing) that she sent me:

"I get a call from D. (female friend) Mon. morning while we are still in L.A. telling me A. (friend's husband) called her the night before and wanted her to go to a movie with him Mon. afternoon. He wanted her to do something Sun. night but her daughter and her boyfriend were there. They met Mon. afternoon, rode together to the movie (40 yr. old Virgin), sat on the last row (that's where she likes to sit for the leg room), then went to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. A. paid for all of this. I was not too happy about it and asked him why he called her and where he got her number. He said it was in his phone. Her number is unlisted and I never gave it to him. I didn't even think he knew her last name. I since found out, it had just been added and there was also a missed call from her in his phone. He said he dropped his phone at the theater and she was calling it to see if someone picked it up. He said he knew she was going to be alone on the holiday and was just trying to be nice by asking her to do something. The only time he ever sees my friends is when we all do something together. I had told him in passing that her daughter and boyfriend would be gone on Mon. He was originally supposed to be gone for 2 weeksn right now. He didn't seem too concerned about what I was going to do on the holiday.

I told him I thought it was inappropriate that he call her and go out with her. He got mad because I got upset about it and didn't understand what the big deal was. I think it was inappropriate of her to accept too.

Would you be upset about this?"

I told her that yes, I would be extremely upset about this. What does everyone else think?

Owned by Lucy · 09-08-2005, 03:23 PM

I am not sure that I follow. Basically the husband of a friend called this lady (D) to ask her out on what most people would consider a date. The dudes wife found out and is ticked at her girl friend for accepting the invitation. Right?

Did he hit on her? Did they have sex? Did they go some place other than the 2 public places mentioned? Have they been exchanging phone calls other than that evening? Where was the wife during all of this? Why wasn't she on vacation with her husband?

The whole things seems very screwy to me. It is usually the ones who are hiding somethings themselves who jump to accuse someone else of an indecression.

Bogolove · 09-08-2005, 03:46 PM

Whew, that was a lot of questions. Ok, the wife (my friend) took her daughter to L.A. for her getting good grades or something and the daughter had never been. Kind of a mother-daughter weekend. The husband invited his wife's single friend to a movie and out to eat and payed for everything, while the wife was out of town. My friend does not even know how she got her friend's number. She mentioned ot her husband in passing that her friend (D.) was going to be alone b/c her boyfried was going out of town. He remembered that, yet he can't remember to do nice things for her on her birthday or anniversary, and wanted to be "nice" and invited her friend out. He didn't even mention it happened, the friend told her they went out.

We do not know the answer to the first four questions in your second paragraph. That is what we are trying to figure out.

It sounds shady to me too.

kazkirkpatrick · 09-08-2005, 03:51 PM

I go out with roberts male friends when he isnt in town. Heck, I go out with them when he is in town. It all depends on your relationship with your SO and his friends. My husband has no problem with this, and his friends have never tried anything stupid and I, of course, have never done anything stupid either!

Just my 2 cents!

SalemWitchChild · 09-08-2005, 05:29 PM

No I wouldn't be pissed about it. I trust my husband and if I consider the other party friend then I'd trust them too

AstraChapman · 09-08-2005, 05:33 PM

I would be upset if I found it. But if he came to me and said. "honey, I took D out to a movie and diner because she was going to be all alone over the holidays" I would understand. Well maybe not nderstand but I would be glad that he was telling me upfront so i don't see something and get all suspicious.

Bogolove · 09-08-2005, 05:34 PM

Well, I agree with that because I have been friends with my husbands friends for as long as I can remember. There are certain friends of mine I would not have a problem with at all if I knew about it and he told me about it. There are others I would think it is inappropriate for them to hang out without me. It also depends on your friendship with the person you are hanging out with. In this case, the "friend" was his wife's friend and he had never hung out with her without his wife and her other friends. So, it wasn't like the were college buddies or highschool buddies. They were basically the kind of friends that are just acquaintances. Besides the fact that he was not even the one that told her about it. She says if her friend didn't mention it, she would have never known. Plus he has this friend's (who is bascially just an acquaintance) number stored in his phone.

Also my friend received a card in the mail postmarked for the day after the incident saying how much she valued her friendship and how wonderful she was. It sounds shady to me.

***Cassiepeia*** · 09-08-2005, 06:40 PM

I'd be upset only because it seems he did it behind his wifes back. It was her friend that called her and informed her about it, right? Not the husband?
I don't think I would be worried about the friend, she seems to have been honest about what happened, but the husband just gives me the impression that he was hoping something might have happened.
Especially since he must have gone to some trouble to find her number. I'm not sure most men (or women for that matter) would bother. I mean they're obviously not that close of friends if his wife was so surprised he even knew her last name.

Cass.

SalemWitchChild · 09-08-2005, 06:45 PM

I didn't catch that he did it behind the wifes back. Yes I would be mad about that. But would let it go with an explaination as to why her husband needs to inform his wife if something of that nature is going to happen. My biggest pet peeve is secrets between husband/wife. There should be NONE.

flyndog · 09-08-2005, 09:13 PM

I think it is inappropriate for married men to ask single women out on dates. I think it is equally inappropriate for single women to accept a date from a married man. And, I think everybody ought to keep their mouths shut about it. The only reason anybody would tell anybody is to try and ease a guilty conscience.

momtobella · 09-08-2005, 10:36 PM

simple rule: If you can't tell your wife/husband what you are up to...you must be doing something wrong

Kade · 09-08-2005, 10:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyndog

I think it is inappropriate for married men to ask single women out on dates. I think it is equally inappropriate for single women to accept a date from a married man. And, I think everybody ought to keep their mouths shut about it. The only reason anybody would tell anybody is to try and ease a guilty conscience.

I agree. Some people think it's old fashioned, but since I got married (engaged, maybe), I seriously toned down any "just friends" activity with men, married or single. The only guys I hang out with are friends we've had so long they're basically brothers. And to be honest, I wouldn't even go out alone with one of them to dinner.

kazkirkpatrick · 09-09-2005, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by momtobella

simple rule: If you can't tell your wife/husband what you are up to...you must be doing something wrong

Right on the money!

Its wrong if it was a full on "date". If it was just dinner and movie with a friend, thats another story.

Bogolove · 09-09-2005, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by momtobella

simple rule: If you can't tell your wife/husband what you are up to...you must be doing something wrong

That is exactly what I think too.

princessjodi · 09-09-2005, 09:11 AM

I agree that it was shady in the fact the wife found out from the FRIEND and not the husband. If my bf went out with one my single friends, I wouldn't really care as long as he was upfront about it.

Of course, it also depends on relationship between all parties involved. If it was someone I barely knew and considered an 'aquaintance' rather than a friend, it would be a different story.

09-08-2005, 03:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
Bogolove Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 70	Would you be upset by this, ladies? My friend e-mailed me this and asked if it would make me upset. I have changed the names as to not offend the parties who probably won't be on here anyway, but you never know...Here is the exact e-mail (except for name erasing) that she sent me: "I get a call from D. (female friend) Mon. morning while we are still in L.A. telling me A. (friend's husband) called her the night before and wanted her to go to a movie with him Mon. afternoon. He wanted her to do something Sun. night but her daughter and her boyfriend were there. They met Mon. afternoon, rode together to the movie (40 yr. old Virgin), sat on the last row (that's where she likes to sit for the leg room), then went to dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. A. paid for all of this. I was not too happy about it and asked him why he called her and where he got her number. He said it was in his phone. Her number is unlisted and I never gave it to him. I didn't even think he knew her last name. I since found out, it had just been added and there was also a missed call from her in his phone. He said he dropped his phone at the theater and she was calling it to see if someone picked it up. He said he knew she was going to be alone on the holiday and was just trying to be nice by asking her to do something. The only time he ever sees my friends is when we all do something together. I had told him in passing that her daughter and boyfriend would be gone on Mon. He was originally supposed to be gone for 2 weeksn right now. He didn't seem too concerned about what I was going to do on the holiday. I told him I thought it was inappropriate that he call her and go out with her. He got mad because I got upset about it and didn't understand what the big deal was. I think it was inappropriate of her to accept too. Would you be upset about this?" I told her that yes, I would be extremely upset about this. What does everyone else think?
Bogolove Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 70

09-08-2005, 03:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
Owned by Lucy Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Anderson, SC Posts: 429 Rep Power: 91	I am not sure that I follow. Basically the husband of a friend called this lady (D) to ask her out on what most people would consider a date. The dudes wife found out and is ticked at her girl friend for accepting the invitation. Right? Did he hit on her? Did they have sex? Did they go some place other than the 2 public places mentioned? Have they been exchanging phone calls other than that evening? Where was the wife during all of this? Why wasn't she on vacation with her husband? The whole things seems very screwy to me. It is usually the ones who are hiding somethings themselves who jump to accuse someone else of an indecression.
	__________________ Courtesy of Rip "A dog is not "almost human," and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such." -John Holmes

09-08-2005, 03:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
Bogolove Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 70	Whew, that was a lot of questions. Ok, the wife (my friend) took her daughter to L.A. for her getting good grades or something and the daughter had never been. Kind of a mother-daughter weekend. The husband invited his wife's single friend to a movie and out to eat and payed for everything, while the wife was out of town. My friend does not even know how she got her friend's number. She mentioned ot her husband in passing that her friend (D.) was going to be alone b/c her boyfried was going out of town. He remembered that, yet he can't remember to do nice things for her on her birthday or anniversary, and wanted to be "nice" and invited her friend out. He didn't even mention it happened, the friend told her they went out. We do not know the answer to the first four questions in your second paragraph. That is what we are trying to figure out. It sounds shady to me too.
Bogolove Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 70

09-08-2005, 03:51 PM	#4 (permalink)
kazkirkpatrick Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 464 Rep Power: 94	I go out with roberts male friends when he isnt in town. Heck, I go out with them when he is in town. It all depends on your relationship with your SO and his friends. My husband has no problem with this, and his friends have never tried anything stupid and I, of course, have never done anything stupid either! Just my 2 cents!
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09-08-2005, 05:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
SalemWitchChild Blue Merle Collie Mom Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Lawrenceburg, Ky Posts: 592 Rep Power: 87	No I wouldn't be pissed about it. I trust my husband and if I consider the other party friend then I'd trust them too
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09-08-2005, 05:33 PM	#6 (permalink)
AstraChapman Animal Lover Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 194 Rep Power: 67	I would be upset if I found it. But if he came to me and said. "honey, I took D out to a movie and diner because she was going to be all alone over the holidays" I would understand. Well maybe not nderstand but I would be glad that he was telling me upfront so i don't see something and get all suspicious.

09-08-2005, 05:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
Bogolove Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 70	Well, I agree with that because I have been friends with my husbands friends for as long as I can remember. There are certain friends of mine I would not have a problem with at all if I knew about it and he told me about it. There are others I would think it is inappropriate for them to hang out without me. It also depends on your friendship with the person you are hanging out with. In this case, the "friend" was his wife's friend and he had never hung out with her without his wife and her other friends. So, it wasn't like the were college buddies or highschool buddies. They were basically the kind of friends that are just acquaintances. Besides the fact that he was not even the one that told her about it. She says if her friend didn't mention it, she would have never known. Plus he has this friend's (who is bascially just an acquaintance) number stored in his phone. Also my friend received a card in the mail postmarked for the day after the incident saying how much she valued her friendship and how wonderful she was. It sounds shady to me.
Bogolove Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 29 Rep Power: 70

09-08-2005, 06:40 PM	#8 (permalink)
*Cassiepeia* Chihuahua Mum Super Moderator Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: NSW, Australia Posts: 8,281 Blog Entries: 9 Rep Power: 284	I'd be upset only because it seems he did it behind his wifes back. It was her friend that called her and informed her about it, right? Not the husband? I don't think I would be worried about the friend, she seems to have been honest about what happened, but the husband just gives me the impression that he was hoping something might have happened. Especially since he must have gone to some trouble to find her number. I'm not sure most men (or women for that matter) would bother. I mean they're obviously not that close of friends if his wife was so surprised he even knew her last name. Cass.
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09-08-2005, 06:45 PM	#9 (permalink)
SalemWitchChild Blue Merle Collie Mom Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Lawrenceburg, Ky Posts: 592 Rep Power: 87	I didn't catch that he did it behind the wifes back. Yes I would be mad about that. But would let it go with an explaination as to why her husband needs to inform his wife if something of that nature is going to happen. My biggest pet peeve is secrets between husband/wife. There should be NONE.
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09-08-2005, 09:13 PM	#10 (permalink)
flyndog Unleash The Possibilities Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Marfa, TX Posts: 3,969 Rep Power: 183	I think it is inappropriate for married men to ask single women out on dates. I think it is equally inappropriate for single women to accept a date from a married man. And, I think everybody ought to keep their mouths shut about it. The only reason anybody would tell anybody is to try and ease a guilty conscience.
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09-08-2005, 10:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
momtobella Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 94 Rep Power: 0	simple rule: If you can't tell your wife/husband what you are up to...you must be doing something wrong
momtobella Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 94 Rep Power: 0

09-09-2005, 09:11 AM	#15 (permalink)
princessjodi Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 251 Rep Power: 71	I agree that it was shady in the fact the wife found out from the FRIEND and not the husband. If my bf went out with one my single friends, I wouldn't really care as long as he was upfront about it. Of course, it also depends on relationship between all parties involved. If it was someone I barely knew and considered an 'aquaintance' rather than a friend, it would be a different story.
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