Dear Dogs and Cats

[bigdoglover]

Dear Dogs &Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print inthe middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
>For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
>some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not
>necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
>under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
>same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine
or
>feline attendance is not mandatory.
>
>The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
butt. I
>cannot stress this enough!
>
>To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
>front door:
>
>Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our
Pets:
>1. They live here. You don't.
>2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
>(That's why they call it "fur"niture .)
>3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
who
>is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.
>
> Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less,
>don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come
when
>called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,
>don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
>fashions, don't wear your clothes , don't need a gazillion dollars for
>college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.



DeleteReplyForwardSpamMove...

[Jamila]

That's great. I need to post that complaint one on my front door. lol

[iloveamlet]

that is so funny, and the first couple are really, seriously true...

[bigdoglover]

I know, I laugh so hard every time I read it that I have tears streaming down my face....mainly because it is soooo true!!

[Shadowkins]

I just loved that letter. Thanks for sharing it.

[Kade]

Originally Posted by bigdoglover

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Ha ha, so true! Even if Winston is totally distracted at the top of the stairs and I start down without him, he totally has to beat me to the bottom.

[bigdoglover]

Mine too!! Before Elite got so big with pups, she would almost take me out trying to beat me down!! I guess you have to have stairs to really appreciate that one!!

[brandysmama]

Originally Posted by bigdoglover

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less,
>don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come
when
>called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,
>don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest
>fashions, don't wear your clothes , don't need a gazillion dollars for
>college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

DH and I (childless) got into this discussion with another childless couple the other night. Our main point was, "Hey, if we want to go out and do something, DCS isn't going to pound down our door for leaving our dogs at home by themselves!"