Spike, my dear dear boy

[DarknessDivine]

I found your mom when my house was being rebuilt in a heating vent, she was beautiful and white and also pregnant with kittens. I took care of her and loved her for the short time I had her one night she came and got me, I could tell something was wrong...she was in labor and needed me, she led to the area in the basement and there lay 3 little white kittens, all were passed . But wait more were coming! She was tired and couldn't go on, she needed help, so I stayed up with her all night and she finally started to have another..it was another white beautiful kitten, it seemed fine as she cleaned it..a few hours passed and now another kitten, no wait it was 2 kittens but in the same sack? I thought weird? But I thought "ohh no they are black they might be dead"...thinking this because the others were white. Well she began to clean these 2 and to my suprise they were striped and mewoing up a storm. I nursed her and took care of her through the rest of the night and made sure the 3 that lived were nurseing.
One of those striped kittens was you Spike, the other 2 found good homes and I kept you. You were there for me through so many things and I felt so close to you. You were the first animal I had that ever felt like a child to me. You slept with me at night and we even had our own little language, I understood your mewos, you would wipe away my tears.
People used to say that I loved you more then myself, and in many ways they were soooo sooo right. I had you for 8 short years until an illness stole you from me. Your meows and happy purrs turned into sad eyes, and a worried face. The vet said you "might" make it with the medicine if the treatment was agressive enough. So every 2 hours even in the middle of the night I stayed there to give you your medicine, I got sleepy and fell alseep, I awoke in a painc and ran to give you your missed morning dose, and there you layed. You were gone, you had went to the bridge to wait for me. I felt so sad because I had this feeling as though you needed me there, at that exact moment when you crossed and as I cry here typing this I still remember just sitting down next you and crying. Oh I remember so vividly that pain, I must have sat there for hours. That one December morning you left, I didn't get to say goodbye, I felt so bad that I had rested that night. I should've been there. I'm sorry.

[Carrie]

Oh Darkness. That is so sad. I'm so sorry you still feel like you were responsible. I doubt anything could have been done. It was his time. Knowing what I think I know about you, you gave him a most love filled life and good care. He was very fortunate in the way that you found him. Every animal you ever have will be one lucky pet.

[DarknessDivine]

I know now though that not having him put down was a bad and selfish thing on my part. I really should have had him pts so he would not have suffered the way he did. I miss him so...

[flyndog]

Experience is a wonderful thing. You did all you could do at that time. It's never easy to let someone we love go.

[DarknessDivine]

So true, exspecially when we have a "special" connection to them. He was very familiar to me flyn.

[flyndog]

I could tell.